Ever get to the end of the day, collapse on the couch, and think, “Why am I so bloody exhausted? I didn’t even do that much?”

Same.

Except, you did. You just did 637 invisible things that no one else even noticed. You remembered to RSVP to that birthday party (even though you forgot until 10pm and had to do it while brushing your teeth). You mentally meal-prepped on the school run. You kept a running tab of who needs new shoes, who has outgrown their undies, who’s falling behind in maths, and who hasn’t pooped in three days.

You, my love, are carrying the mental load. And it’s time we talked about it.

So… what is the mental load?

The mental load is all the thinking, planning, organising, checking, emotional managing, and scheduling that keeps family life running. It’s the never-ending mental to-do list that lives in your head — the list no one else sees, but everyone benefits from.

It’s:

• Noticing there’s only one slice of bread left and mentally adding it to the shopping list
• Remembering the kid’s library day and making sure the book isn’t still under the couch
• Knowing your partner’s mum’s birthday is next Tuesday
• Thinking ahead to everything…from sunscreen notes to school photo day

It’s being the project manager of your family’s life, and spoiler: project management is a full-time job. And guess what? You’re not getting paid for this one.

Why is the mental load so bloody heavy?

Because it’s relentless.
Because it’s invisible, so no one gives you credit for it.
Because the second you forget something, it’s your fault.

And, let’s be real, because most of the time, mums carry it.

We’ve been subtly (and not so subtly) trained to be the ones who “just remember” things. It’s not because we’re better at multitasking. It’s because society decided that if someone’s got to think about it, plan it, and worry about it, it should be the mum.

Why you’re feeling burnt out even when you ‘haven’t done much’

Because you have. You’ve been spinning mental plates all day while being the snack supplier, emotional regulator, Uber driver, and full-time boundary enforcer.

Even if you didn’t “achieve” much in the way of tasks, your brain has been on high alert since 6am.

So if you’re feeling fried? That’s not laziness. That’s the weight of a thousand tiny decisions you’ve made on behalf of everyone in your household. (You should probably be charging a consultancy fee, tbh.)

Time to lighten the mental load (without adding more to your to-do list)

Here’s the real talk: you can’t do it all. And you shouldn’t have to. So how do we lighten the load without creating a 16-step plan that you end up having to manage too?

1. Write it down

Yep, brain dump that endless mental to-do list. Get it out of your head and onto paper (or your Notes app). Even just seeing it written down helps.

2. Delegate without guilt

You are not the sole keeper of all things domestic and emotional. If your partner says, “Just tell me what to do”, hand them the list. Don’t manage the job and the person doing it.

3. Let some plates drop

Did you forget the Book Week costume? Awesome. That’s your kid’s villain origin story, not yours. Let something go. Your mental health is more important than matching socks.

4. Say no more

To the third birthday party this weekend. To the bake sale. To the unnecessary errands that no one even asked for. No is a full sentence. Use it liberally.

5. Ask for support

You don’t have to do this alone. Talk to your partner, friends, or even supportive co-workers if the juggle is killing your spark. If the thought of that makes you squirm, have a word with an AI assistant like chatGPT. You’d be amazed at what tasks they can help you with! My favourite being the constant chore of having to decide what to feed everyone! If you would like some helpful prompts that can help lift the mental load, send me a message and I will give you a copy of my AI Survival Kit! 

Just remember…You’re not failing, the system is.

Final thought (because the cake won’t bake itself)

The mental load is real. It’s exhausting. It’s unseen. And it’s totally valid to feel overwhelmed by it.

But here’s the thing: you are doing an incredible job. You’re the glue, the gears, the Google Calendar, and the goddess holding it all together.

So this is your permission slip to stop holding everything. To stop doing it all alone. To let go of the pressure to be perfect, productive, and perpetually on top of it all.

Your worth isn’t measured by how many tabs you keep open in your brain.

You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to drop the damn mental load and go drink a coffee in peace, no guilt attached.