Let’s be real, becoming a mum changes everything.
Your body? Different.
Your schedule? What schedule?
Your brain? Now running on half power and Cocomelon theme songs.

Somewhere between feeding small humans, wiping up bodily fluids, pretending to be interested in “Bluey” theories, and keeping everyone alive, you kind of forget who you are. And when you do get a moment alone?

You either:
Wander aimlessly around Kmart, or
Use the time to do groceries, fold washing, or cross something else off the never-ending kid-centric to-do list.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. So many of us feel this weird identity fog after having kids. Like we’re the ghost of a woman we used to be, but now with extra snacks in our handbag and no clue what we actually enjoy anymore. And to make it worse, we pile on the guilt for even wanting a break or daring to say: “I need time for myself.”

But here’s the thing. You matter too. And finding yourself again doesn’t make you a bad mum, it makes you a human.

Why It’s So Bloody Hard

Let’s start with this: you’re juggling A LOT.
Kids. Work. A house that’s somehow always sticky.
Maybe you’ve dropped back to part-time work (hello, financial hit) or you’re running on fumes just trying to hold it all together.
Even when you do get a break, the first few times can feel… awkward. Like, “What do I do with my hands?!” awkward. You end up running errands, checking the school app, or answering text messages from your partner asking where the kids’ shoes are.
Finding yourself again doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a slow, often messy process of trial and error. But it’s 1000% worth it.

Here’s What’s Actually Helped Me Start Finding ‘Me’ Again

1. Catch up with friends without the kids.
Yes, I love my children. No, I do not enjoy trying to have a meaningful adult conversation while one kid is licking the café window and the other is eating sugar packets like a raccoon.

Those rare catch-ups with friends, uninterrupted and child-free, are pure magic. You actually finish a sentence. You laugh. You remember who you were before life became one big snack negotiation. I always leave those catch-ups feeling like a human again. Cup = filled.

2. Move your body, but make it enjoyable.
I’m not saying sign up for a half-marathon or join a gym cult (unless that’s your thing!). For me, it’s Pilates or a walk in nature. Fresh air + movement = mental reset.
Bonus: it’s quiet. Blissfully, beautifully quiet.

3. Try something creative, just for you.
I’m talking watercolour painting, crochet, alcohol ink art (no, it’s not a cocktail class… although, not the worst idea). There’s something powerful about doing something creative that has nothing to do with your job or your kids and I’ve found that getting stuck into something creative helps to quieten your mind and the phantom Muuuuum sound you seem to hear all the time!
It’s just you, doing something for the sheer joy of it. (Pottery is next on my list — mostly thanks to that iconic “Ghost” scene. You know the one.)

4. Start a group chat with your besties.
Whether it’s sharing memes, venting, or planning kid-free hangs, that little ping from a mate can be exactly what you need in a moment of chaos. It reminds you that you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and yes, everyone’s house is also a bombsite.

5. Write it out even if it’s just a messy list of thoughts.
Call it a journal, a “brain dump”, or your book of lists you never finish.
Writing your thoughts down can actually help you start to uncover what you like, what you need, and who you’re becoming. It doesn’t have to be poetic, just real. And who knows? You might even have an epiphany mid-ramble.

Give Yourself Grace

This isn’t about reinventing yourself overnight.
It’s about slowly, kindly, and without guilt, making space for the you that exists beyond “Mum”.
She might look different now. She might be softer in some places, stronger in others. She might cry over nappies one day and dream big the next. That’s okay. This version of you is still worthy, still brilliant, and still allowed to take up space.
You are more than your to-do list. You deserve joy, rest, creativity and maybe even a hot coffee once in a while.

So here’s your permission slip:
Go find yourself again. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But step by step, moment by moment.
She’s still in there, you just need to give her some breathing room.